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2/2/2007: Communique from Superman
As you know, my home planet, Krypton, was destroyed many years ago. My father tried to warn his fellow Kryptonians that this outcome was inevitable due to increasing heat from the planet's red sun, but they didn't listen. They said that their Kryptonian way of life was non-negotiable, and they just went shopping for more day-glow leisure suits and personal transportation pods. Fortunately, my parents were able to save me and send me to Earth, where I have super powers.
However, even my powers are not enough to prevent a similar catastrophe from taking place on Earth. Evidence mounts that global warming will eventually threaten all the humans on this planet. Even now, the polar ice caps are melting, and the polar bears are drowning. Yet the humans of Earth continue on in their ways, just like the people of my planet.
It's not too late to save Earth. But we must act now. Unfortunately, events like the Auto Show only hasten our demise. The ne'er-do-wells behind this outrageous display of deadly machinery are almost as insidious as my nemesis, Lex Luthor, greatest criminal mind of our time. Fortunately, I was able to thwart his plan to sell beachfront property in Nevada. But that little scheme pales in comparison to the threat of rising sea levels worldwide.
Sure, I could always fly around the planet really fast, reverse its spin, and make time go backwards to save everyone, but I already did that in my movie. And my Dad keeps bugging me about the whole "no changing the course of human history" thing from his little crystal hologram. So, I can only help you to help yourselves. The fate of your planet is in your own hands.
However, the automobile industry works very hard to increase people's dependence on automobiles. So, while we can all make a commitment to drive our cars less and walk, ride bikes, take public transportation, or simply use our super-powers to fly everywhere, we don't have as many choices as we should. Instead of building more cars, more freeways, more parking lots, and more places where you have to drive to get across the street, we need to focus on building communities where people don't need cars in their everyday lives, where children can walk to school.
But the Auto Show is all about selling us more cars, even in the city. Their nefarious plan is to make us all so dependent on their products that we become slaves to their will. Not since General Zod menaced the people of Krypton, and later of Earth, has such a dastardly plan for world domination been put into motion. We must all work together to thwart their evil plans.
Even though I am impervious to any physical harm while in the vicinity of your yellow sun, I also have a stake in this struggle. My own Fortress of Solitude near the North Pole is melting, along with the homes of my good friend and neighbor Santa Claus, and the habitat of my other fellow Artic-dwellers, the polar bears. So, Snowball the Bear, Santa, and I all are coming to Chicago to help SHUT DOWN THE AUTO SHOW.
I hope to see you at the Auto Show SHUTDOWN Festival. Remember, we can't all be Superman, but we can all be heroes in the fight to save our planet.
Have a super day!
P.S. I would appreciate it if the cyclists could leave their Kryptonite locks at home. Thank you.